Oscar is now 1 year old. He’s <wiping away tears> growing up. He’s not needing me 24/7. I mean he kinda does, but there’s more to his life now than breastfeeding. He sees more than the 18 inches from breast to face! He’s spreading his wings. Exploring. He’s interested in things OTHER THAN ME.
For the past year he’s been under my watchful eye. Only myself and his dad have taken him anywhere. The lady that watches him once a week does so here, in my home. She’s taken him for a walk around the block, or up to the store, but never anywhere else. Personally, I thought she was too afraid to (lord knows I was terrified the first time I drove anywhere with him! I don’t think we did over 30km on the drive home from the hospital, lol!). And I never broached the subject, because I was too afraid of him going anywhere with anyone else. Here, he’s safe. He’s under my roof. He’s in his home. Nobody comes over unless me or his dad invite them. No strangers in the house (even though you don’t get stranger than us, lol!). But out there is a “big bad world”.
And so this morning she asked if we are going to be getting the new car seat soon because she’s looking forward to taking him out somewhere.
GASP!
NO!
NO! IT’S TOO SOON! I’m not ready for him to be out somewhere without me! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO………!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What if she gets in a fender bender? What if she doesn’t do the seat up properly? What if she forgets a latch on the stroller and it all implodes on him? What if she lets a stranger get too close (what is it with people that automatically go in for the tickle or the pinch? Personally, unless they’re little old ladies I physically block them with my body. NO APOLOGIES. But what if she doesn’t?)? (I’m probably being PSYCHO but I’m really really scared. What if this woman doesn’t have the balls to say No?)
And remember… I am a worry-wart. But still, he’s my child. My only child. My baby. I’m allowed to worry. But am I going overboard?
Simply put, my son is going to be out there in the world with someone other than me to protect him and keep him safe. And I don’t trust anyone to do that BUT me (or daddy). So I’m freakin’ terrified.
Am I alone in my psychosis here? Anyone else go through this terror? How did you get through it (on a wing and a prayer? Trusting the universe? Not till they were older? Inner knowing? WHAT? Help!)
I didn’t think I’d have to cut the apron strings at LEAST for another 18 years….
It’s hard letting your little one go for the first car ride with the sitter, starting daycare, etc. We’ve recently put T in full time out of the home center childcare and although it’s been hard for us as parents he has truly thrived. We are very specific on who can drive him (family only) but we did get a seat for our sitter which met OUR (read MY) specifications. We also did extended rear-facing and are just now getting ready to turn T around. FWIW I really like our Britax Marathon since it’s so easy to install using the LATCH system and T seems comfortable in it.
Take a deep breath. It will get easier – or at least it has for us.
It’s always tough to meet these milestones. Sometimes (often?) tougher for us than it is for the little ones in our lives. Deep breath.
The thing is, we can’t protect them from every thing every minute of their lives. As hard as it was to put The Imp in day care, it was the absolute best thing – he loves it! And I get the time to do the things I need to do. It took a huge amount of stress off my relationship with my husband, and also my relationship with my child. The letting go is so very hard, though. I feel your anguish, I do.
I remember those days. It was really hard letting go, but I did. Over time it has gotten a little bit easier, but not much.
I agree that it’s so hard to let go a bit. We almost never left Jake with a sitter when he was young. (does family count?) He did do daycare, and that was fine but they stayed IN the daycare.
What bugged me is sometimes family would take him out when he was older and not use the booster seat (before it was the law), which I insisted he needed to be in. I also HATED it when older kids would be in his face, especially since lots of them were all snotty and germy and wanted to touch him. When Jake got older we would always tell him that with babies and dogs, you ask the owner before touching. Always.
Maybe just start in really small doses, until you are used to it.